So yesterday I forgot my math homework and I totally tweaked. I was able to turn it in late today so it was all solved. My parents got all mad initially and then said thing'll be ok if I was able to turn it in.

And for Leslie, it turns out she hates me because "I tell lies." She claimed I lied about the April goal thing and couldn't tell me anything else. She was all "why bother." I was so close to punching her but instead, I said some rude things and walked off.

I cried because I was so angry. I saw her about two times while I was crying. I hope she saw me. Deserves to see the effects of her shit.

I realized I could totally ruin a lot of her friendships with others. A lot of her friends are also my friends, I could totally try turning them against her if I wanted to. I have to restrain myself though. Like today, I complained to a few people and they seem to favor me over her. They were like all sarcastically "oh yeah, because you're the one to lie." Heh, that made me feel so much better.

Today was prom. It was the best. Kevin, Anna, and all the other friends came over to my house for dinner and then we went to the dance we're I danced real close to Kevin most of the time. It was real fun. I sorta wished now that I went to the other dances as well, like maybe prom last year? It may not be the same, cause I think Kevin and Anna were a huge reason why I enjoyed it.

Karma he says. I suppose that is true. They say, if you do the crime, you have to pay the time. That would make sense. But what did I do? I'm the one who is suffering as well. I wonder what I have done to have this whiplash? I must've done something pretty bad a while back or something. '

But then again, it has been said that misfortunes are actually blessings in disguise. I remember thinking it was true after all these examples, getting cut from the volleyball team, the popsicle war, the divergance of previous friends. All ended up in a happy note in some way since things were for the best.

And if that is the case, I am eager to see what can possible come out of this misfortune? Will I find a new strength within myself? Will he? Would it erase the feelings inside of me? Will it put all this suffering to an end?

Needless to say, I am ready for me to move on.

No Updates.

"Today started out as such a sunny day. It was cold but it was sunny. I was in a sunny mood. I was ready to dominate the driving test I was going to take later that day.

Before second period, my so called friend was giving out Hershey kisses and didn't give me one because I get real kisses from my boyfriend everyday. That irked me a bit but I got over that rather quickly.

I passed the test. I was real nervous but I got an examiner that wasn't that intimidating. I wasn't too nervous after a while during the testing.

When I got back and told the friend the news, she was all "oh that's cool" but in a way that didn't seem like she cared. She then went off to do something with another friend. I went to get some art supplies from a nearby classroom and when I got back, she was all "oh, you're back." I proceeded to sit there, almost to the point of tears, and no one noticed. The friend was talking to other people and noticing that something was wrong with someone else but not wish me. Call me selfish but I think she would've noticed. Perhaps she didn't care. I got up and said I was leaving and she was all "ohh okay." So after a few feet infront of her, I almost cried but I stopped myself until I reached the office where I was supposed to. I started silently sobbing. I had a few people ask me what was wrong and if I should talk about it but I refused. One lady gave me kleenex and I thanked her.

In history, I was holding back on crying, I didn't want a room full of people to notice me. The guy sitting next to me did a fist bump to me and randomly said "yay you're an awesome person." And then was saying silly things about the teacher's signature. That cheered me up a bit somehow. I wondered how a simple fist bump and a random compliment lifted up my spirits. Such things usually don't affect me that much from day to day. It made me wonder if I've done something like that and I cheered up a person who secretly was extremely bummed as well. Or could it be that he noticed I was down and was trying to cheer me up?"

I've been having a thought here.

So I was only with my first for like a week, right? I never had any pictures taken of/with him. He's not in the year book, and I can't really seem to find anything else (including searching to see if he had a myspace). It's a wonder everyone believes I was with him in the first place. I have absolutely no evidence of his existence. The only thing I have is my memory. Someday he probably won't even exist in my mind when I grow old. It's like the mystery man that made a lot of impact in my life but I'll never see again and soon to be forgotten. I'd ask myself why I'm a certain way someday and I won't know why. It's sad really, but what can I do about that?

In other news, school has started. Dun dun DUNNNNN! And nothing really changed, really. My birthday is in like two days. That's exciting... sorta. I'm going to be an official adult. I've always thought I'd be freaking out about that. But I think I've done so much freakin out about the topic before that I think I'm emotionally exhausted in that realm.

Highlights of 2008:

-Started the year in an optimistic view in my depression- I got into easier classes for the next semester, trying to sort out my so called life, and celebrated the new year by blasting really lame techno music
-Got addicted to Cup o Noodles when I was in entech
-I turned 17
-Finally came in terms with myself that i'm actually growing up
-I finally got over that retarded Ben obsession
-I got mah permit (finally)
-Fell out of love for the first time
-I actually get politics a bit more for once
-Had to deal with a stalker
-Discovered Kamen no Maid Guy and Soul Eater
-I stopped getting chocked up over random songs
-I had fun seeing shirtless sexy asians in the Speed Racer movie
-Actually passed all my classes at the end of Junior year
-Discovered Tri-hop music
-Grew apart from a lot of my previous friends :(
-Finally got my hands on three of Antennasia's albums
-I've been to the East Coast for the first time (DC area)
-Discovered Miyavi and his awesomeness
-I fell in love with someone who loved me back for the first time
-I met and started dating Kevin (and still am :3)
-Watched all the James Bond movies during summer
-Found out more about myself for the most part
-I got mono which caused me to miss out on most of the swim season Junior year
-I quit the high school band to finally escape the retarded new instructor
-I discovered the wonders of the Colbert Report
-I was goalie (But I epically failed so I wasn't anymore, so I had a shitty last waterpolo season)
-Economy sucks, my boyfriend can't get a job :(
-I had to deal with retarded Twlight fans
-Lost most games in Waterpolo season
-I had to deal with vile insults because I didn't support Obama in the election by the ignorant masses (being called racist, having shit thrown at me, ect)
-Finally got a hold of Gorillaz Rise of the Ogre
-Found myself constantly questioning my religious beliefs
-Didn't want a lot of my life to change for the first time but there was nothing I could do to stop it
-My sister moved out in September and moved to Santa Barbara
-I found myself being a conservative in a liberal world
-Witnessed the passing of a movie status swarm of bees
-Pitman lost to Turlock in football for once
-Had the most emotional waterpolo season ever

pretty much the just of it

Recently, before school got out for the holidays, it was really cold out before I jumped in the pool. The covers weren't off the pool yet when I was ready so I just slipped on a jacket. My legs don't really get cold so I didn't really put anything else on. A couple of the girls was talking about how my legs weren't too long or too short. And then one of them was all "oh yeah, you have a nice body." I found it a bit strange for some reason. No one really tells me that and it's always awkward for me when someone mentions it. I honestly never really inspect myself that much. I just do what I do to try to stay fit and that's really it. I guess I can conclude that I have nice legs because now as I'm typing this, I remember other occurrences in which someone commented on them. Silly of me, I wouldn't really know that myself.

What's the favor I speak of?

( Well it's something completely off topic. )

Before I start off, I'm an Independent with conservative/libertarian tendencies. I refuse to be categorized with evil conservative Bush supporters. I won't ever say I am even if you pay me to.

That set aside, here I go:

I can deal with a new president that I don't agree with. I mean, if all those Bush haters survived the last eight years, so could I. If you voted for him because he's black, you're racist. And you people "we shall unite no matter who he is.." you probably bashed Bush. Hypocrisy much? I can easily accept Obama, but only if his supporters let me.

It's hard to accept a guy whose supporters take offense to your opinions and makes it a battle to defend your first amendment rights.

It's hard to accept a guy whose supporters throw empty water bottles and the like at you if you disagree with them.

It's hard to accept a guy whose supporters diss Sarah Palin by saying she's stupid and when you ask "How so?", they can't give you a good answer.

It's hard to accept a guy whose supporters call you racist when you're obviously not.

The list can go on.

Well that's how it is in California.. Perhaps the supporters are much nicer elsewhere. I had to put up with this kind of abuse all throughout the campaign and now I'm afraid I'll have to deal with it for four years. It was much easier to bash Bush because everyone else hated him. Now if I dare say something bad about Obama, I'll get so much shit thrown at me, it won't even be funny. Also I'd be called racist to boot- again! I'm not a racist either! Hello? Haven't you heard? I'M DATING AN ASIAN BOY!!!! .

( interestin' things I read )

I pray for a good president in the future, always. All the presidents I've lived through (like all two of them xD) haven't been very good; America needs a good leader. Obama better do a good job or I'll be pissed to the extreme and I'd say "I FUCKING CALLED IT!"

Needless to say, I wish I could move so I won't have to face angry people. I'm so scared all the time, and FUCK, this is America! This shouldn't happen. :(

So freggin tired right now

And I'm really freaked now, I failing English methinks. D:

I just get really really frustrated because I'm not good enough. Everyone keeps saying that I'm really good for playing for only six days but I still just get frustrated when I can't do thinks.

But good news good news I actually got something done!

( With the Lyrics of MCR )

Kevin is instant happiness. I'd feel bad a ton of times but I always end up smiling.

I still haven't done much. Though I have been on and off of something all summer that's almost done so hopefully I can post arts again.

I found that I really like grunge rock now. My computer seems to like to ignore the Yeah Yeah Yeahs CD I keep on shoving in there. It finally acknowledged it this morning. It's about time.

I might be goalie this year for waterpolo. I'm epically failing at it so far mainly because I strained a muscle in my foot and doing crap like this isn't helping any. I tried talking my way out of it but everyone thinks its just a bruise. Perhaps it is. Whatever it may be, it hurts like hell.

School is not too bad really. I'm not too stressed out despite the fact that my english teacher is already trying to kill me and waterpolo has been hard on me literally. I keep getting mystery scars.

I'm always questioning my love life a lot. But I decided not to act on any of it because I remember what happened last time *cough* *cough*

I really hate how I think

Sometimes

I was cleaning out some drawers and I found a huge ass stack of love letters that I accumulated when Ben and I used to write love letters. I did recall keeping them even though I didn't really want to read them during that one period of time because it would hurt too much. When I found them again today, I read some of them and starting thinking how much everything changed including myself since these were written. I almost kept them just because I like to remember things but I decided to throw them out. No matter what, there are plenty of songs that take me back. Throwing out the love letters was one final step to take that I'm no longer have feelings for Ben beyond friendship like it should've long ago. I only still talk to him once in a while via letters not because I still love him like I did five months ago, but because I really like my life now. We both moved on and its okay for us to talk about how wonderful our changed lives are.

Now for something completely different.

First off I have another blog at blogger. This one serves more as a creativity update rather than EVERYTHING as it is here.

Second, I was encouraged to start a music profile here. I'm not that great of a singer but oh well.

I saw the new Batman movie last week. It definitely was not worth the over hype like it was with the SSB Brawl. I hate it when things are over hyped because my expectations would rise to increasingly high levels that very few things will reach. The movie wasn't bad. The action scenes were beautiful, the dark tone was played well, and the joker was a lot better that I expected. But there was just a lot that I was "ehh" about, like how the Rachel character wasn't drop dead gorgeous like everyone acted like she was. The story itself wasn't as clever and beautifully constructed like the previous movie, but yeah, it wasn't bad at all.